I watched her come into the children's ministry room. She had a frown on her face. She was obviously not a happy camper.
As I tried to talk with her, she grew more and more agitated. She finally had had enough of me trying to talk with her. She clinched her teeth and said, "I hate coming here! I don't want to be at church!"
I responded and asked her where she would rather be? She replied, "I'd rather be at home! I hate having to come to church! I want to be anywhere but here!"
She chose to sit in a seat in the back of the room. Away from the other kids. I didn't try to force her to join the other kids. She would have none of that.
If you've been in children's ministry for awhile, you may have encountered something like this as well. A child who doesn't want to be there. A child who wants nothing to do with God. A child who is forced to come by his or her parents.
My heart broke for this child. At a time when her heart should be tender to the things of God, she wanted nothing to do with it. (FYI - the child is in 4th grade.)
I pondered what I could do? How could I reach this child who didn't seem to want to be reached? Here's what I did.
Reassure the child that you care about them.
Don't turn them into just another child that you have to deal with. Let them see in your eyes and countenance that you really do care about them.
I often think about the parable of the one lost sheep. What was the deal with this sheep? It didn't follow the rules and go into the pen. It wandered off on its own and got lost. It cost the shepherd extra time and effort. It created the need for individual attention. What a pain this sheep was.
But in spite of all of this, the shepherd loved the one lost sheep. He proved this by going out to find it and bring it home safely. He proved this by giving this sheep his undivided attention. He proved this by leaving the 99 other sheep to go care about the one sheep.
Let the child know that you care about them unconditionally. Let them know that God loves them unconditionally.
Love can break down the strongest of barriers.
Build a relationship with the child.
Take time to build a relationship with the child. This can take work, but it's worth it.
Remember that rules without relationship equals rebellion.
Kids don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.
Instead of being a person who will try to "force them into obedience," be the person that is there for them.
Give them a job.
This is one of the best things you can do for a child that hates coming to church.
I decided to ask the girl I am talking about to serve. I have kids that run our tech booth. They help with the sound system and help run the computer that shows our visual images on screen.
I asked her if she would be interested in operating the computer. I told her it was a big job...an important job. She would be responsible for helping the service run smoothly and be effective.
When I told her this, a small...small smile appeared. She said "yes," she would like to try that. I could see that she had just taken a tiny baby step to liking church.
Talk about their world.
So the next week she shows up early to run the computer. I sat with her in the sound booth that is in the back of the children's ministry room. I started talking about YouTube with her. Who was her favorite YouTube star? What channels did she follow? What did she like to watch on YouTube?
Her face started to light up as we talked. Someone was talking about what she liked to do and watch. I saw a barrier fall down.
Partner with the child's parents.
I am working with her grandmother about this. She is the one who brings her to church.
The fact that her parents don't attend or bring her might be some of the uneasiness she has felt at church. Remember, behind a rebellious child there are usually some underlying factors that might be the root cause. The fact that her parents do not attend, may be a big reason why she didn't want to come to church.
It's important to communicate with the person who brings the child to church and work together to reach the child's heart for the things of God.
Pray.
Pray for God to bring people into the child's life that can influence them for Christ.
Pray for wisdom as you minister to the child.
Pray for the Holy Spirit to work in the child's life.
God can do more in a second in a child's life than we can do in a lifetime.
Remember the child I have been talking about? What happened? This past Sunday I watched as she worked in the sound booth. She had a smile on her face and was interacting with other children. She is excited about coming back. I believe that even as she is putting up verses on the screens, that God is working in her life.
May this writing encourage you as you minister to kids who don't want to be at church. Keep loving them and watch what God will do in their life.
Your turn. What do you do when a child says they don't want to be at church? Share your insight and ideas in the comment section below.
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